Foster Parents FAQ » Foster Parent » Is mentioning your child's name here a good idea?

Is mentioning your child's name here a good idea?

Question:

Lets not use this newsgroup to work ourselves up into a paranoid frenzy over privacy issues .  There are other newsgroups out there for that purpose

I never intended for anyone to work themselves into a paranoid frenzy, just to question the wisdom of introducing one more piece of private information into a public forum. I may have done so unwittingly in the past myself. I’m sure many of us have. Some of us my now regret that decision. Your children’s names belong to your children, not to the world. You can brag about your son or daughter without using their name, and if one single tragedy is prevented by this minor omission you may have saved your child’s life. Either by extending its length or by preserving its quality. Of course, it is always the parent’s decision to make. NLS

Response:

The reason we entered the internet, and I spend hours reading these newsgroups is because our son was  kidnapped. He was at that time 15 years old and seriously ill requiring (according to state employee doctors) voluntary foster care in a medical facility.  Once placed there he was removed without our knowledge or consent by a non-=relative who reported to protective services that our son had been abandoned. That person requested guardianship and was granted it on an emergency basis.  THis unfunded our son after 13 years of our efforts to get him funded.  To maintain his medical care we had to "consent" to "voluntary "protection" in an unsafe foster home from which our son was eventaully removed when the foster parent abused him.  To make a long story short, we took him home without consent a couple of times and the court later placed him with us every time, but the original kidnapper had a medical degree and so the court appointed guardian and the 20 other state employees whose jobs depended on having sick kids to care for repeatedly filed child abuse charges against us to re "protect" our son , and then repeatedly dropped the charges as soon as they had him hidden from us.   The really sad part is, these people refused to provide our son medical care, and deprived him of the very medication which was the reason he was placed in the voluntary medical residential program.  Our son has since been diagnosed as a manic depressive and schizophrenic.  He is violent and suicidal.  All of this according his original doctors is addressed by the medication the state wont allow to be administered.   I am not making this up.  You wouldnt think this could happen in America, but it does all the time.  Anyone who knows where your child is, and that you are not physically present with them can take your child, can do them harm.  It isnt just sexual perverts anymore.  This is not an isolated case.  I live in Alaska which has a small population and yet since this happened to us, we have networked with dozens of other families with similar stories.  Some of our friends know 2 or 3 families very well to whom this has happened.   I dont think its paranoid to be very careful about what you say about your childrend in a newgroup, especially one that clearly is about children.  That is where the stalker hang out looking for targets.  The only way I can figure out our kinapper knew where our son was, was through accessing medical files in a computer.  We just havent been able to prove it.

Response:

Currently it’s possible for anyone who can access the Internet to find out your home address from your name. Even it’s location on a map. If you use a "handle" it’s harder, but your e-mail address will allow pulling up your home address in some cases. I know everyone’s proud of their child’s name, but giving their name out in a public forum like this one may be asking for trouble. A person with your name and address could very likely figure out how to find your child. Considering the personal nature of what is discussed here, a person with that information, your name, and your child’s name and age, would be well armed to pick up your child from school or near your home. You don’t have to use your child’s name here, and you probably shouldn’t. It’s not a nice world any more.

Response:

Currently it’s possible for anyone who can access the Internet to find out your home address from your name. Even it’s location on a map. If you use a "handle" it’s harder, but your e-mail address will allow pulling up your home address in some cases. I know everyone’s proud of their child’s name, but giving their name out in a public forum like this one may be asking for trouble. A person with your name and address could very likely figure out how to find your child. Considering the personal nature of what is discussed here, a person with that information, your name, and your child’s name and age, would be well armed to pick up your child from school or near your home. You don’t have to use your child’s name here, and you probably shouldn’t. It’s not a nice world any more.

If this is what our world has come to and people are sick enough to do this what a sad sad world we live in.. Why do people want to harm children?   Why do people want to take other people’s children WHY!  I live in fear of this.. not paranoia fear.. but to read this and have another worry about being a parent makes me really wonder.  Normally I would brag about my children now I guess I can’t..

Response:

Currently it’s possible for anyone who can access the Internet to find out your home address from your name. <snipped but giving their name out in a public forum like this one may be asking for trouble. A person with your name and address could very likely figure out how to find your child. Considering the personal nature of what is discussed here, a person with that information, your name, and your child’s name and age, would be well armed to pick up your child from school or near your home. You don’t have to use your child’s name here, and you probably shouldn’t. It’s not a nice world any more. If this is what our world has come to and people are sick enough to do this what a sad sad world we live in..

   Agreed, there are sick people out there, but let’s put the blame where it belongs, on those commiting the crimes, not on the victims. I’m getting very tired of hearing ‘If on the victim had done X, if only the victim had said Y, if only the victim had worn Z……etc’.  The victim didn’t ask for this!!  It’s not their fault!!  If someone is bent to abduct a child then they will do it, no matter what the victim does. Someone else may have better statistics for ‘abduction’, but in cases of assault the statistics are that 90% of the time it is someone associated with the victim (someone they ‘know’)!  A friend, a nieghbour, a relative.  People go to extra ordinary lengths to ‘protect’ themselves from the ‘bogeyman’, but what are they doing about the others?  Do you not tell anyone your child’s name?  ’Sorry Aunt and Uncle so and so, but I don’t think it is a ’safe’ idea that you know the name of my child.’ I was a volunteer for a Rape Crisis centre for several years and I got so fustrated with the number of ‘children’ that called in and felt that it was ‘their fault’ when they were assualted.  That if they’d only done something different it would never have happened.  And most of these assualts were by a relative or a ‘friend of the family’. Sure, be careful with strangers, but be even more careful with the people you allow in your home!

Response:

Currently it’s possible for anyone who can access the Internet to find out your home address from your name. <snipped but giving their name out in a public forum like this one may be asking for trouble. A person with your name and address could very likely figure out how to find your child. Considering the personal nature of what is discussed here, a person with that information, your name, and your child’s name and age, would be well armed to pick up your child from school or near your home. You don’t have to use your child’s name here, and you probably shouldn’t. It’s not a nice world any more.

Thank you, Thank you for the response below.  Please remember that most of the really gruesome things that happen to children are perpretrated on them by someone with a connection to their own family or stepfamily.   Lets not use this newsgroup to work ourselves up into a paranoid frenzy over privacy issues .  There are other newsgroups out there for that purpose – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –   Agreed, there are sick people out there, but let’s put the blame where it belongs, on those commiting the crimes, not on the victims. I’m getting very tired of hearing ‘If on the victim had done X, if only the victim had said Y, if only the victim had worn Z……etc’.  The victim didn’t ask for this!!  It’s not their fault!!  If someone is bent to abduct a child then they will do it, no matter what the victim does. Someone else may have better statistics for ‘abduction’, but in cases of assault the statistics are that 90% of the time it is someone associated with the victim (someone they ‘know’)!  A friend, a nieghbour, a relative.  People go to extra ordinary lengths to ‘protect’ themselves from the ‘bogeyman’, but what are they doing about the others?  Do you not tell anyone your child’s name?  ’Sorry Aunt and Uncle so and so, but I don’t think it is a ’safe’ idea that you know the name of my child.’ I was a volunteer for a Rape Crisis centre for several years and I got so fustrated with the number of ‘children’ that called in and felt that it was ‘their fault’ when they were assualted.  That if they’d only done something different it would never have happened.  And most of these assualts were by a relative or a ‘friend of the family’. Sure, be careful with strangers, but be even more careful with the people you allow in your home!

Response:

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