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For ADHD adults: what good advice did you get from your parents when you were kids?

Question:

Hi Alan, When I was 3 1/2 and shortly before my parents were due at the local loony house cause of my behavior, a doc (in Puerto Rico) said I was hyperkinetic (term used for ADD in the 70’s) and that was it, nothing was done.  My parents figured "oh! well" we’ll deal with that.   I’m 27 now and was diagnosed last year.  Albeit I did well in HS, the "coping" skills expired while at grad school. Like most ADDers, I’m an expert on "self-esteem" issues, I just don’t have a "stable" level of it ;-) ;-) .  Like many adults who have been diag. late in life, the negative memories are still with me.  We can’t go back and tell that humiliating, and cruel teacher how wrong she was! ;-) ;-) You on the other hand, are  very, very lucky that you have found out that she has it when she is still young.  Because through knowledge, education, and accomodations  you can make her "growing pains" a bit smoother. I read a book that’s really good about parenting an ADD child.  It’s call Survival Strategies for Parenting Your ADD Child:  Dealing with Obsessions, Compulsions, Depression, Explosive Behavior and Rage by George T. Lynn.  I got it at the local Borders store.  Albeit I don’t have kids, I bought it to learn how to "parent" my own rages ;-) .  It’s full of practical suggestions. Something my mom and dad (until he died when I was 11) always, always did for me, was instill in me the sense that I’m OK and bound to make a contribution even though I’m "different" and have these "limitations."  If you and your family can instill that sense of purpose in your daughter, that sense of "you are Here for a very important reason" she will be very grateful when she grows up. Another thing that helped me when I was a child was having several teachers who "took me under their wings."  They sensed I was getting bored in class and would allow me to work on more advanced stuff.  Or they would discuss lots of fascinating things with me outside of class. ADD kids fly off into the heavens when they receive encouragement.  See if you can set that "mentoring" relationship with one of your daughter’s teachers.  My peers would tease me for being the "teacher’s pet," but I didn’t mind.  ADD kids tend to be "deeper" in insight and usually get along better with older adults.  I always got along great with teachers. Finally, and this is true for any girl, your daughter will go through that period in grade/HS school when self esteem and big dreams begin to collapse. Having ADD will be harder because it will add to "I’m different than they are," and us adults know that’s horrible! when you’re a teenager!  Thus, during this period it will be crucial to help her and continue to foster her big dreams!!!!  Only her family and some key teachers at school can help her to sustain her dreams during this period!! Thus, make sure you all folks remind her that when she was little she used to say she wanted to be an astronaut, or an accomplished musician, or an engineer……! ;-) ;-) ;-)

Response:

Hi.  My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago.  Are there any folks on here who had the disorder themselves as a child?  If so, when you were a child, did anybody (parent, teacher, etc) give you any good advice that helped you cope?  We understand the symptoms, the issues, and the physical treatments, but we’re trying to figure out how to help our daughter get along better with other kids and to improve her self image — which seems to be going downhill…

Al, When I was in school (I’m 48), there was no such thing as ADD. There WAS "lazy", "cannot keep profitably busy", "daydreams", "very bright but always late and unprepared". [Frankly, those words are burned into my soul, even 40 years later.] When my (now) 19 year old son was diagnosed at age 8 or so, there was very little information avalable to us to learn from. We knew that he related to others differently, often prefering to absent himself from the company of his peers, except for a chosen few. He is now a sophmore in college. He is very active in the Student Life organization and is a Residence Assistant. He made Eagle Scout. He is on the Dean’s List. (this child sprang from MY ADD-ridden loins??) He is still reserved, he still misses basic social cues, he still can inadvertantly hurt people’s feelings or make them feel uncomfortable without knowing it. He has a bold self-determination, often raw at times. He focuses on a goal or an organizational mission and pursues it. But … people skills are another thing. I’m reading more and more lately for my own ADD benefit but he doesn’t care to join me. You’re lucky. Your child is at an age where you can address these issues, identify problems and work them out.  If your daughter has been diagnosed, I hope she continues to see the professional who did the work up for you.  Her self-esteem and self-image may very well be tied into her ability to relate to others, or lack thereof. Do some reading on it and talk to her shrink.  You can make a difference. Jim

Response:

Hi.  My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago.  Are there any folks on here who had the disorder themselves as a child?  If so, when you were a child, did anybody (parent, teacher, etc) give you any good advice that helped you cope?  We understand the symptoms, the issues, and the physical treatments, but we’re trying to figure out how to help our daughter get along better with other kids and to improve her self image — which seems to be going downhill…

Response:

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